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i spend my days in a blur and my nights thinking and my mornings with closed sore eyes and slow movements.

i am young and looking and i need to be in control and i want to see and feel and touch the world and there is so much more than this and i need to always remember that or i will lose my mind.


i laugh and i am scared and i light another smoke and i hope you can see the glitter in my eyes

been having some shitty days or weeks or months i don’t know anymore, two days ago my mom called the police, my dad was almost arrested and then kicked out of the house, been scared confused and sad and then,

today my two friends and i had arranged to go see five apartments and two of them were perfect especially the last one but 400 people had already called the tenant about it and then WE GOT IT i am moving out by the end of next week


and i come home and suddenly my dad storms in, screaming and yelling and so so so angry and he leaves and then he calls me and we speak for twenty minutes (i spoke and he listened) about everything and he came back and he just got everything - he just fucking finally got it and that is the best thing that has happened in the last three months - fuck graduating and getting a job and an apartment

just, he got it, fucking finally

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